So we had our big meeting yesterday with the teachers and the school guidance counselor. This was the first time I had really sat and talked with the guidance counselor who happens to be a lovely lady. She immediately stated how happy she was that we were all coming together to discuss the issue at hand regarding Anika in the context of this very high needs classroom. Aside from listening to our concerns she focused on what Anika needed to thrive in such an environment which resonated with me because that’s how I’ve managed to hang in there this long to begin with. She acknowledged that problems exist everywhere, in every school, in every context, in every program and of course I agreed with her. That is life. It is not perfect. She then went on to focus on what we could all to to help Anika thrive in her classroom environment like helping build resiliency, helping Anika find her voice so she can speak up and express her feelings and needs in such a context and developing a pliability/elasticity as opposed to rigidity in regards towards Anika’s tendency towards perfectionism. This was all good, I agreed these are good things. The teachers offered to revisit and reestablish a rapport and communication with Anika to help her in these areas. Somehow it all stayed eerily positive. I know on my end I was very cautious in trying to keep it positive so as to not unnecessarily escalate a situation and thus make it worse and of course the administrative representative came off as wanting to smooth this all out as quickly as possible. Anika’s teachers gave me the impression of genuine concern and a willingness to continue to go above and beyond in trying to make the best of this unfortunate situation. The guidance counselor hinted more at the possibility of us being over protective and not allowing the room for Anika to normalize and adjust in a peer social context. Not wanting to come off as over protective and thus quickly dismissed I found myself just sort of agreeing with it all and holding on to the microscopic golden nuggets of hope for dear life and reassurance that everything was going to be ok and that soon enough Anika would finally have the opportunity to test for the infamous Gifted & Talented program and hopefully be given one of the very likely TWO coveted spots in the other class. Ah and yes, the guidance counselor affirmed two to three times over what a wonderful school this was and how fortunate we were to be there and how the services and teachers were top notch etc. etc.

I walked out with a general sense that I had gained an ally in trying to make the best of the situation and helping Anika hang in there and again “just make the best of it.”

And then in the short walk home I slowly began to feel “duped” I guess you could say.

How in the world did the conversation stick to where Anika needed to grow and mature and completely ignore the fact of the EXTENUATING circumstances this New York Public school has locked her into?

This is NOT just a normal public school classroom environment especially at this school. I’m slowing finding out about an unspoken consensus among most parents and staff that this is by far the most challenging class in the whole school. We’re talking kids constantly on the verge of breakdowns threatening the safety of all around them having tantrums to the equivalent of an out of control two year old cussing out anyone within their voices reach crawling all over the floor and even throwing chairs!!! These are all incidents within the last year. To be fair, the full on tantrums come about monthly(I found out the latest of these was just yesterday) but on a more regular basis you have the cussing , the general disruptive misbehavior of not listening to instructions, getting in and out of seat at will the personal frustrations of an emotionally disturbed child not being able to complete a simple assignment and falling apart crying, the paranoia of the kid across the room “lookin’ at him”, and all too normal ADD typical behaviors. Technically I don’t know how many kids in there are Special Education but I do know from first hand experience that these are the “normal” behaviors of at least a handful of kids in there that overwhelmingly set the tone for all the rest. The bulk of the class is made of of what would be more appropriately categorized as remedial kids, kids with mild learning disabilities but otherwise well behaved and kids who are very recent English Language Lerners. Out of 23 kids, Anika is one of THREE peers similar to herself. Out of those 3 one is new this schoolyear and the other just enrolled in December. There is one more academically advanced kid in there but he is also one that has been known to cry uncontrollably, tantrum and is constantly up and about doing his own thing.

YES, there are TWO credentialed teachers in there and two assistants and that is an honorable effort on the schools behalf to adequately address the needs there along with the countless specialists coming in and out to pick up kids to provide the much applauded enrichment services. Yes this is all great for the rest of the kids who need all that. For Anika it is a sad case of the injustice of a system that would have a child (and parent) suffer through this all when there is a much more appropriate placement RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!! The INJUSTICES of this system hide behind what I would deem controversial and subjective assesments/ tests and evaluations of 4 year olds to determine “giftedness” and lock any poor unfortunate soul or newcomer out of the only possibility of a decent education regardless of ACTAUL PERFORMANCE!!!

Now I am glad Anika is doing well despite all the formerly stated unfortunate circumstances but I am worried…very worried. I’m seeing this environment take its toll and I am having difficulty assessing when too much is too much while at the same time hanging on to the glimmer of hope of getting the opportunity to finally get out of that predicament for next year.

What is a mother to do?

At the very least I feel a tad better getting this all out.

Ah, and yes, I called the guidance counselor back today and left a message saying I was still having a very difficult time with this situation despite our meeting yesterday.